Dreaming Of Our Golden Years. . . .

Adam: So are we going to buy it?

Me: Not today.

Adam: Well, when are we going to buy it?

Damonn: When we're finished paying for your college.

All of us: Sigh.

Damonn and I WILL one day own of these little gems and tour the United States in comfort and compactness. Because in a Sprinter/Airstream conversion van not only can you cool a drink and heat a meal, but you can park it in any standard parking spot. An invaluable asset to two people who are challenged in the ability to parallel park. And this baby even gets 22mpg!

I Never Knew Larry King Wore Glasses. . . . .

We were probably the last household on the block to still have an old, heavy CRT TV, but tonight we have stepped into the 21st century. That's right, we are now the proud owners of a 37" Toshiba HDTV. And because we are parents that believe in giving everything we can to our children, everything that is, except access to the best electronics, this new high definition beauty has been made to feel right at home at the foot of our own bed. It is sitting high atop the armoire so that we may bask in the glory of its light. And the clarity, oh the clarity. Even without HD Dish capabilities (hey, I said we stepped into the 21st century) it is amazing. But what can you expect when you're used to a TV that was around to display images of the first Gulf War.

Tattooed On My Brain Like a Misspelled Word

Conversation while watching Larry King last night. . . .

Larry King: And when we come back, John Rich, half of the duo Big & Rich talking about the song he wrote for the McCain campaign.

(Goes to commercial playing one line of the new song)

Me: Did you hear that? That one line of song ended in “train”. You know what they’re going to do. They’re going rhyme it with McCain.

Damonn: Oh god, really?

Me: Of course they are. It’s going to be something about getting on the train with McCain.

Damonn: Ugh.

Larry King: We’re back now with John Rich who wrote this song for the McCain campaign. Here’s a glimpse. . . .

(The song plays complete with video of him singing, a neon American flag, hot girls holding McCain signs, and a diamond studded microphone stand): “Get on the train or get out of the way, we’re all just raisin’ McCain.”

Me: Oh sweet Jesus, it’s worse than I thought. It includes a bad pun.

Damonn: Why would they use something so lame?

Me: Because every country song in the last ten years includes a bad pun and the rednecks eat it up. And when they step into the voter’s booth they won’t know the facts behind one single issue but they’ll remember this damn song.

Damonn: Ugh.

Me: This is what its come down to. This is how Obama will lose. To a half-rate song probably written in five minutes on a cocktail napkin. Not to a difference in policy. Not to rhetoric. Not even to negative ads filled with lies. He’ll lose to this damn song you can’t get out of your freakin’ head!

I'm So Happy I'm Drooling!

This single sentence from Adam pretty much sums up our trip to the lake. It came about as the four of us we're sitting on the floor for a wild game of Go Fish! when Jamie decided to suddenly roll around on top of all the cards shouting "Applesauce! Applesauce!" for no apparent reason until we were all laughing uncontrollably, at least one of us to the point of drooling. And this was before we broke out the game of Pass The Pigs. You ain't seen nothin' till someone hits a double leaning jowler!

And so it went for the four days we were at the lake. Silliness, laughing, swimming, fishing, sugar cereal and no real schedule. Well, that's not exactly true. We kept Jamie on her naps and both the kids were in bed by 8:00pm just like at home which I think was the real key to our successful vacation. 'Cause I don't care how many Mike's Hard Lemonade's are available, no one has fun with kids that melt into a weepy pile of Ritz snack crackers and snot at the mention of the word, "No".

One of the few things that we wanted to make sure and do while we were there was take the Wallowa Lake Tram up to the top of Mt. Howard. Damonn was not looking forward to this. It is a 15-minute ride rising 3700ft to a summit of 8200ft and he is not a big fan of heights. But he carried on like a trooper only noticeably gasping near the end of the ride as we crossed a ravine and the distance to the ground became much more staggering. There is actually a restaurant at the top but we only had time for a quick walk around the summit to feed the squirrels and do some more gasping at the in-cred-i-ble views. They say you can see Oregon, Washington and Idaho from up there, but it all looks the same from 8000ft. I really could have stayed up there all day just staring into the valley and watching the hawks glide on the air currents. It felt like standing at the top of the world being free from everything. . . . which was enhanced further by the fact that I exerted no physical energy getting there. But alas, some of the friends that shared the cabin with us were getting light headed from the altitude and the tram was about to make the last trip of the day so we climbed back into the little metal car and descended back down to the valley and the safety of solid ground.

We spent the rest of our time fishing on the lake, riding bumper boats, battling for air hockey bragging rights, playing Frisbee and eating. Not even the rain on the third day could hinder our spirits. (We are Oregonians, after all) We just pulled out the craft kits we brought along for just such an occasion and chowed on microwave smores. The only drawback to such a happy, relaxing vacation is the pressure to live up to it next year! Oh, to have such a worry.

One Man's Old Is Another Man's Vintage. . .

Adam: Is that a Volkswagen Bus in front us of, Momma?

Me: No, that's just a regular van.

Adam: (as we get closer) Oh yeah, 'cause a Volkswagen Bus always has those old curtains in the windows.

Oh, How I Missed the Internet. . .

We're back, exhausted but smiling. I planned to Twitter throughout the trip but there was no AT&T wireless coverage so I was stuck without the internet or a phone. How did I make it without checking the CNN Politcal Ticker?? Gasp! We had a great time but now comes the unpacking and the mountain of laundry. Details of the trip to come in the next few days. . . . .

See Ya Later Alligator. . . .

We're leaving for vacation . . . . . finally. the bags are packed, the kids are loaded (almost) and after one last stop for coffee we're headed to Wallowa Lake in Eastern Oregon. Never been there but I've heard it's beautiful. Talk to ya next week!

Another Person I'd Like To Kick in the Teeth

On the phone today with our pediatrician's office:

Me: I’m checking back because I called a couple of days ago to see if my son needed anymore shots before he starts Kindergarten this year and I haven’t heard back from anyone.

Woman: Mmmm. . . Let me check. Nope, he’s all up to date.

Me: Really? I thought at his check-up last year they said he would need two more shots before he starts school this year.

Woman: Yes, he’ll need two more at his 5-year check-up.

Me: So he does need two more shots before he starts school?

Woman: Yes. He will get them at his 5-year check up.

Me: Yes, but his birthday and his check-up aren’t until a week after school starts so can we come in early just to get the shots?

Woman: No, we can’t give them until he’s five.

Me: He’s five in like, two weeks.

Woman: We can’t give them to him until he’s five.

Me: But the school district requires that he have them before he starts so what should I do?

Woman: (Silence)

Me: You guys won’t give me the shots and the school won’t let him start without them so WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST I DO?

Woman: I’ll send the question back to the nurse, but I really don’t know how to help you.

I so don't need this shit right now.

Life. . . On Repeat

Where did the lazy days of summer that I was just posting about float off to? I don't know, but the month of August revved it's engine and has taken off without me. I was going to write a little something about the current chaotic stress I'm feeling right now, but then remembered I already did. . . . . two years ago. Click HERE to read the original post and feel free to replace any of the "things to do" in that post with one of these:

Dental Visits. Vaccinations. School Supplies. Sprained Toes. Birthday Gifts. Vacation Plans. Computer Crashes. Insurance Benefits. Conference Calls. Shoe Shopping. Vet Bills.

Same bullshit, different day. Actually, same chaos, different bullshit.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Comments Please

It has been brought to my attention by some readers of this site that they, and perhaps others, are not commenting as much as they'd like because they don't have a Blogger/Google account with which to log in. In the case that this might be true, I wanted to make sure that everyone is aware that they do not need an account to leave a comment.

After clicking on the word Comments at the end of any post, simply choose either the button for Name/URL and type in any name or web address you like, or choose Anonymous to remain completely incognito.

Because even though I may live to regret my request for more comments (not all comments will be nice comments), I would love to get your feedback on the topics of this site. So please, use your voice, man!

The Emerson Address

The Rick Emerson Radio Program
(as mentioned in this Things I Love post)

6/6/6 brought you Horns Across the Hawthorne.

7/7/7 brought you Vanilla Ice, live on stage.

And now, 8/8/8 brings you the greatest event in the history of human evolution… (so says their website)

The Emerson Address.

On Friday, August 8th, 2008, at 2pm, we need every radio, every speaker, and every webstream in existence to be tuned to AM 970, and The Rick Emerson Show will broadcast a live, specially-prepared message to the entire city of Portland…and beyond.No matter where you are…no matter what it takes…at 2pm on Friday, August 8th, find every single radio you can…turn them up, and help us beam our message to every single person in the state…and the world.

One day…one message…and every radio on Earth.The Emerson Address…happening at 2pm on 8/8/8.

Be ready to listen!

I'm Blushing. . . .

Someone referenced my Valentine's Day post at BlogHer.com. It's like when that cute boy says hello to you in the hall. . . . . then reads a poem from your diary in front of everyone.

See the article HERE.

Have You Ever Seen Cuter Metatarsals?

Last night we found ourselves traveling down one of those unexpected detours of life. One minute the kids are playing joyfully in the water feature at the park and the next minute another mom is asking if the crying blonde girl is mine. Yes - the fact that she was not actually in my line of sight when the accident occured is something I would be asked to admit several times over the next few hours to every doctor, every nurse and someone with the odd title of "registrar". Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but they all seemed to be asking for the same details over and over. What time did this happen? What was she doing when this happened? Where were you when it happened? Have you ever felt like abusing your child before today? Okay, the last one wasn't actually asked, but I knew what they were getting at. I mean, I understand why they need to ask these questions and I love that there is a saftey net for children in trouble, but it doesn't help me to not imagine all of them meeting in the break room later to compare notes on my story. 3:30? She told me 3:00. Call the authorities!

Actually the ER staff was great. They were very gentle and pleasant with Jamie and didn't even seem to mind her absolute hysterics during the X-ray procedure. Of course the technician will be telling friends and family the story of the little blonde two-year old who, in the middle of her mother tying to coax (wrestle) her onto the bed for X-rays, pulled free, looked her mother straight in the eye and proceeded to slap the very person who brought her into this world across the face. Yep, that's one for the dinner parties.

Other than this blatant act of maternal humiliation, Jamie was in surprisingly good spirits - until you tried to get her to stand. At which point she would pull up her foot and start calling for help in the most heart-breaking manner. Something along the lines of a wounded lamb with a pink bow and curls. But after three hours of singing nursery rhymes, too much poking and prodding from the doctor and the results of the X-rays, she was diagnosed with a sprain rather than any broken bones. So they wrapped her up in an ace bandage, gave her a couple stickers and sent us on our way with the adorable x-ray you see above. Today, Jamie still won't stand, but is at home with her doting father who is more than happy to wait on her hand and - foot.

Oh, and for those of you that noticed the latest twitter. . . . The triage nursed didn't want to send us back out into the waiting room to wait for a room so she asked if we needed to have a TV in our room. I said no so she escorted us to the end of the hall, into a small room and then ever so casually said, "I'll just prop this door open with a chair so it doesn't lock you inside." I looked around and noticed that the blinds for the window were on the outside and all the equipment in the room had the ability to be locked behind a metal gate. "You're putting us in the psych ward?" "It's a safe room", she clarified. "A psych room", I countered. "No, a SAFE room", she said again with a smile, arranging the chair in the door. How is it she knows us so well?

Serendipity. . .

Sometimes I find myself trying so hard to create family moments that the event becomes something no one really even wants to participate in. Dr. Seuss birthday parties, “special” picnics in the park and family art projects come to mind. Other times I find myself smack dab in the middle of an incredible family connection without the least bit of forethought. The energy so vibrant you’d almost expect to get a static shock from it.

And so it was last night. The kids were fresh from baths and snuggling into our bed for a little TV. I slipped Curios George, a movie we had just recently found again while cleaning out a closet, into the DVD player and just as I was about to hit play to start the actual movie, Adam yelled, “Stop! I want to hear all of this song.” I was surprised because as far I knew he had never heard this song before, but he was adamant about listening to it. Just then Damonn walked in the room and said, “Hey I remember this song.” And before I knew it our whole family was singing and dancing to the Curious George theme song, Jack Johnson’s, Upside Down.

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
I don't want this feeling to go away

As I watched my family dancing, each one a different dance, time slowed and I could feel the lyrics, the music and the moment being etched into my memory. Jamie’s golden curls bouncing in every direction around her head as she jumped and screeched in sheer delight. Adam fumbling to learn the words of a song he instantly loved draped in the hooded towel he’s had since birth. Damonn awkwardly moving his body to the offbeat of the music, dancing the way only he does. These are the moments you look forward to when you dream of having children, when you dream of making a family. And slowly, for some of us very slowly, we learn they can’t be created or planned. They will simply happen and you only have to be ready to live them.

Keeping Me Between The Lines. . . .

A recent email exchange between me and Damonn:

Me: I think I'd like to get a couple of chickens to keep in our backyard.

Damonn: I feel like my life is full at this point without adding chickens to our backyard. Perhaps you should concentrate on Snowflake and Linus (our two bettas). Particularly since just last night the cleaning of two fish bowls was more responsiblity than you wanted to handle.